HIGH! My name is Bartholomew. People who knows me just call me Mr. Bat. (I dont know nothing about this intranet or these new fangiled computters. A friend is helpin me with this syte so dont blame me if things aint as they should be.) The reason is that I am puttin this on the intranet is because I live where nearly every body is so ignerent they dont apreciate my gift so I cant make no money. It has got so bad that I dont have no money comin in and if some of you folks dont pay atention and send me some money I may have to get a reglar job and work like most everbody else. And I dont want to have to do this. So come on and send in some money. And let me show you how goode I am with all this sychic stuff. Bellow I will tell you how I become a sychic......and how I can hep you solve all yore problums, and ect..and so fourth and so on...and verious and sundrie.
(IF this sychic stuff dont start bringin in some money I guess I will just have to start bein a certifyd astologer and get into doin them horrorscopes. Now..they must be some plenty goode money in that since every body seems to be doin them nowadays.)
HOW IT HAPENED
Until my forth birthday i was just a ordinary kid growin up in rural Arkansas. Then one day I was in our outhouse when lighning struck a old oak tree right behind the outhouse. Well, it nocked me out for a few seconds and when I reganed conscious, I looked at the toilet paper and saw the future. I went a runnin in to the house and shouted Momma, Momma, our cow Bessie is gonna have twins. Now you can get your new store-bought teeth -- and it all happended just as I predited! Every since then I have been readin toilet paper smears to tell peoples fortunes. It is amazin.....my acuracy is close to prefict. And how can you take ful avantage of my specile gift?...... well I will tell you.....how and what you have to do...........
WHAT TO SENDE
You must sende me in the mail one to three envelops depending on whuther you wont me to tell you yore past, yore presient or yore future.
- For a full readin of yore past sende yore used toilet paper for a Monday. Seal it in a envelop and number it as......1
- For a full readin of yore presient, sende a sealled envelop with yore used toilet paper for Wedensday and number it ......2 -- If your consturpated Wedensday and do it Thersday its ok but be shure to put on envelop it is Thersday
- To lern all about yore future sende a sealled envelop of used toilet paper used on of a Fryday and number it......3
Sende along with yore envelops a cash money payment of $10 for each envelop....meaning the past readin is $10...the presient readin is $10....and the future readin is $10 but if you order all 3 just send $25 cash and you will get it all. Butt you must now this is a very very special ofer which may never be repeted.
[LOOKY HERE: There is a extra charge of $5 if you use anythin othur than reglur toilet paper.....for exampel...CORNCOBS, LEAVES or CATALOG PAGES....they are a bunch harder to read.]
Sende To... MR. BAT, World Famous Toilet Paper Smear Psychic Reader
SNUFFTOWN, UTAH..(I dont know the zipper code)
ps... Send money in a seperated envelop...pleze...thank you..
Rember My Slogin: ' YORE FUTURE IS IN MY HANDS'!!!
Sinse I dont have no intranet email the only way you can get my excelent service is by usin the adress above.
Thank you very mutch.
Mr. Bat Is A Certified Member of F * A * R * T * S
(Fully * Accredited * Readers * Tribune * Society)
[Unauthorized use of this Official Logo is strictly forbidden]