BECOME A COUNTERFEIT ASTROLOGER: IT'S FUN, IT'S EASY, AND IF YOU ARE GOOD, YOU MAY MAKE $$$ BIG BUCKS! $$$
[Comment by Elbert Wade, PMAFA: The 'guide' following is based on my 39-plus years hands-on experience in the Astrology business. This 'tongue-in-cheek' explanation was not created in my imagination but from observations of numerous totally unqualified individuals who have actually entered the Astrology "business" using some -- if not all -- the 'steps' as outlined below. Anyone considering consulting an astrologer might take this information into account before finally deciding which astrologer to select. Those who already have an astrologer might evaluate their present (or former) astrologer.]
IF you would like to become a COUNTERFEIT ASTROLOGER, you will find all 12 STEPS listed below extremely informative -- but most importantly they sometimes WORK! Of course, you could need to make some minor adjustments depending on your personality and where you live -- especially regarding your advertising. Are YOU ready to learn the SECRETS of becoming a full-fledged COUNTERFEIT ASTROLOGER in 10 days -- or less? (Or, are you just a bit curious?) Please read on!
You Will Succeed: Just Do It Step-By-Step
- THE first and most important step is to proclaim that you are an astrologer! Tell your friends and others in no uncertain terms that you are an astrologer! If they question your training, experience and qualifications, simply state that you secretly have been a serious student of the subject from the first day you learned to read. Declare you have studied all that has been published on the science-art Astrology, and that your own horoscope indicates that you must, at this time, come 'out of the closet' and offer all your talent to those needing your extensive store of wisdom, information and guidance (especially if they have the money to pay for your infallible services). Also tell your doubting friends you were a respected astrologer in at least three former lives. Don't be discouraged should certain friends or family members still express some doubt. Just remember these people are not likely good prospects as clients anyhow. Keep on asserting that you are, indeed, an astrologer!
- GO to a used book store and buy a few books on Astrology. Pay special attention to those which offer simple 'keywords' for signs, planets, houses, aspects, etc. (Do not overspend!)
- MEMORIZE (Ouch!) a few 'keywords' so you can use them in conversations to impress all. (Friends will be very surprised about how much you know!)
- HAND-LETTER (if necessary) an advertisement to place on bulletin boards and all telephone poles in your neighborhood. Your ad might include such statements as: "World-famous astrologer now accepting a few new clients." "Reunite with your lover." "Learn all about your past, present and future." Do be certain that you list contact information -- even if it's just the telephone number of a friend who can afford a phone. (Do not overlook putting an ad in all free publications in your community. Request a listing under "astrologers," "psychics," or "personals." Do not hold back; 'toot' your own horn since nobody else will at this point. If at all possible, put up your own web page on one or more of the free hosting providers.
- VISIT a used clothing store or costume shop and buy some far-out but inexpensive wardrobe items which will help to create the 'guru' or 'mystic' character you feel is necessary to project that just-right 'power' image. (Throw caution to the wind! Remember, the more off-beat the greater the impact on those you desire to impress with your new image.) For wardrobe hints, click here.
- STOCK UP on incense and plenty of candles. These are absolutely necessary for creating the proper 'atmosphere' when you start actually working with clients.
- REVISIT the used book store; get a book or dial device which will make the calculation of a semi-accurate 'horoscope' possible -- without a lot of fuss with (ugh!) math. (Or if you are a stickler for accuracy, you can calculate horoscope charts for anyone FREE (with no sweat) on the internet at thousands of sites -- including elbertwade.com. Click HERE.)
- THE MEETING with that first client is very critical regarding your future success. You must take immediate control; firmly direct them to a predetermined seat. (A somewhat darkened room is important.) Candles and incense set the proper 'mood.' Candles may provide all the light necessary. Be a good listener and make mental notes as you first engage in a little conversation. Make quick notes of any specific things (names, etc.) they say as you certainly will impress them later when you pronounce something like: "I am getting the name 'Ruth' -- a sister I believe." (They will think you are wonderful, having forgotten they told you earlier about their sister named Ruth. See how easy it is!) You can also get insights by peeking out the window to see their automobile before they come in. Note also jewelry, attire, etc. You absolutely must take advantage of everything they 'project' to be an effective, impressive but totally-counterfeit astrologer.
- EMPLOY every possible 'trick' to tell them exactly what you sense they may want to hear -- as cleverly gathered from astute observations you make from the moment you first meet them.
- IF things seem to be going sour, you must immediately begin telling them about their former lives. They absolutely cannot refute these 'revelations'!!! (Should you wish to impress/praise, tell them they were royalty, movie stars -- or whatever; if you wish to put them in their place, just tell them they were robbers, murderers, cheats -- or whatever. Let your fertile imagination go wild; be creative with whatever outlandish 'tale' you care to make up as you go. Remember, you are the 'guru'; they are not!
- BEFORE they leave, you absolutely must convince them they really need another appointment soon. Set the appointment but only after you check your 'appointment book' and happily discover you have one opening on the day they suggest, and that you will pencil in their name. (You want them to think you are extremely busy and that they are very lucky you are willing to grant the appointment.) Remember this: your ongoing income depends importantly on getting as many as possible 'addicted' to your expert advice and guidance.
- SHOULD they prove especially difficult -- meaning they dare to suggest you are wrong too often, accuse them of giving incorrect birth data, and, after all, you certainly can't be held responsible for this. Keep their money and suggest in no uncertain terms they do further research to get correct data, then submit it and you will set them a new appointment for which you will, of course, collect your usual fee. (If they don't buy this who really cares since you already have their money!) Always remember, since you are a genuine COUNTERFEIT astrologer you certainly are not bound by any bothersome and restrictive code of ethics!
Follow these 12 SIMPLE STEPS and you too can become a COUNTERFEIT astrologer in 10 DAYS -- or LESS!!!
BUT...perhaps being only a COUNTERFEIT astrologer isn't enough. You can appeal to a much broader potential client base by ALSO becoming, for example, a counterfeit psychic, a counterfeit numerologist, a counterfeit tarot reader, a counterfeit medium, etc. If this is your desire, simply follow the 12 easy steps above for each additional 'discipline' so you can become a genuine hyphenated big-time counterfeit guru!
Just think about this! You will be able to say: "Only 10 short days ago I couldn't even spell astrologer (or whatever) and now I am a genuine COUNTERFEIT one!"
[Elbert Wade, PMAFA, hopes no legitimate qualified astrologers will be offended by these 'revelations,' which you understand as well as I too accurately illustrate what happens, unfortunately, every day. Apparently there is no way to stop this prostitution of Astrology as we understand it, but I thought this little 'bit' might get some people to thinking about what constitutes a real astrologer as opposed to a total counterfeit. Very best wishes for your continued success, real astrologers. ~Elbert Wade, PMAFA]