Astrology, elbert wade, PMAFA certified, consultant astrologer


Copyright © 2000 - 2017 Elbert Wade, PMAFA - Professional Certified Consultant Astrologer
This is Satire -- Only an Eye-Opening Example


I know you have searched long and hard to find the absolutely best astrologer available. Well, your search has been successful. You have reached MY web site! You do not need to search any further. Once you read what I offer, you will know there is no reason to look any place else. (Boasting? No, just an accurate statement of fact!)

You must understand that not only am I the world's best astrologer, I am also one of the total world's greatest psychics, numerologists, tarot readers, channelers, palm readers, phrenologists, handwriting analysts, tea-leaf readers, totally-accurate fortune-tellers -- and more than twenty other equally impressive disciplines. (Could you possibly find a more qualified person?) This enables me to give you so very much more than any 'legitimate' astrologers can offer since they are so caught up in getting your precise time of birth, being accurate, and some so-called code of ethics. Well, my psychic powers will reveal to me your exact time of birth without your having to go to the trouble of getting a copy of your birth certificate. And, a bothersome 'code of ethics' would only stand in the way of my giving you full advantage of my mysterious, immense and astonishing powers!

All that you need to do is entrust me with telling you whatever you need to know about anything and everything to make your life into what you desire. It requires absolutely NO effort on your part. (Isn't this absolutely wonderful!) Can others promise as much? The accurate answer is a profound NO!

Just e-mail me and tell me your problems and ask what you want to know. I am sorry I must charge a modest fee ($500 to $5,000) but it is necessary in order for me to continue to offer my exceedingly-accurate services to you and all others who have such great need. Your payment will guarantee that I can continue to help all who are in need. Just think of your payment as a 'donation' to charity for all the people of the world who are in need of my never-failing help and guidance. (Please note: Your 'donations' are not tax deductible.)

Simply e-mail me your needs, requests, and as soon as I receive your full payment (cash, money order, or certified check), I will immediately solve all the problems you pre-pay in full.

Could you really expect any more -- or less -- from your absolutely A-1 world-class, world's greatest astrologer? (I say, YES!)


If my predictions don't happen, if I fail to solve your problem, or if you are otherwise not satisfied, you may mail in a refund request at any time. All refunds will be made within 10 days following the beginning of a retrograde motion of both earth's Sun and Moon, as determined by official United States certified astronomers.

Get in e-mail touch immediately. I await your e-mail. I will tell you how much to send after I evaluate your problem. State very clearly in your e-mail what problem(s) you need me to solve. Then send full payment to the address stated on the prompt e-mail reply I will send you. Send full payment in cash or certified check only! (No personal checks, please!)

If you found this PHONY page appealing -- perhaps even started searching for an e-mail address, then maybe you are leaning toward being taken by a con-artist type of 'come-on.' Unfortunately there are far too many who claim to be astrologers -- but are only total counterfeits. Don't be taken. To help protect yourself from unnecessary losses not only of money but also the consequences of wrong handling of problems due to these clowns' "advice," visit the pages linked below.

'Mr. Bat': A One-Of-A-Kind Psychic Reader (You won't believe what he "reads" -- somewhat disgusting!!!)
"Keyboard Astrologers": Horoscopes For Sale (Some Assembly Required!)
Junk-Mail "Astrologers" -- Who Needs 'Em?
Awful Hyphenated 'Astrologers'
Astrologer Exposes Counterfeit Astrologers
All Secrets Revealed: Become A Counterfeit Astrologer In 10 Days -- Or Less
Counterfeit Astrologer Web Site Tips
Certified Astrologer Reveals Disdain for Hyphenated and Other Counterfeit Astrologers
A "Certification" For Counterfeit Astrologers? Yes! It's As Easy As Pie!

Another copyrighted real Astrology article by professional certified consultant astrologer Elbert Wade PMAFA

* Horoscope Services * Site Map * What's Your Sex Drive? * Feature Articles * Short Articles * Elbert Wade's Notebook * Bad Astrology * Find Your Ascendant * Unbottle Secret Genies * Astrological Satire * About Elbert Wade * Find Exact Age * Read-a-Horoscope Tutorial * Sex and Age * Choosing a Mate * Free Horoscope * Phony Psychics * Notes * Feedback * Keyboard Astrology * Your Luck Potential * You -- Introvert or Extrovert? * Astro Turn-Ons/Turn-Offs * Horoscope(s) Order Page * Born on the Cusp? * You -- Leader or Follower? * Horoscope Facts, Figures and Symbols * Why Accurate Birth Time is Important * Contact Elbert * Sun, Moon, Planets details * Plan Perfect Party with Astrology * Moon's North Node * Astrological Vital Signs * About Horoscope Aspects * Astro Q & A * Discover Your Financial/Money Potential

Learn more about all 12 rising signs and their decans -- Ari Tau Gem Can Leo Vir Lib Sco Sag Cap Aqu Pis

Or, go to next "humor" article Or, go or return to full Site Map

This Page Only -- Visits Since 7/09/09: